exaspéré, exaspéré! (brucevbracken) wrote,
exaspéré, exaspéré!
brucevbracken

Tungsten

TUNGSTEN

This is how the scam goes down: we pose as father and daughter, and we go to a king, "Dad" offers my hand to the king in marriage, and what seals the deal is that I turn straw into gold.

Now the king, being a tyrant, naturally, tells us that if I can't do the trick, off goes my head. Before I go any further, I should disclose that I don't turn straw into gold;

I turn it into tungsten, then I cover it in gold spray paint. The king, being greedy and stupid, thinks it's the real thing. It's only later that we tell him what it is, and then phase 2 begins.

When the king realizes he's been duped, does he have us executed? Not when we tell him that in the event of our deaths, our partner Rumpy will spill everything to the press, unless:

Unless he makes "Dad" Minister of Commerce, and me the Minister of the Treasury. So the king, being a coward, and a tyrant, orders all the tungsten melted down into coins.

I do mean all the tungsten. That's why the king decreed that all the lightbulbs in the kingdom will be confiscated. Since we don't want his subjects to know the true motive,

the king revives the old-time religion, and says that lightbulbs displease the earth goddess, and that we must go back to the old ways, and soon the only lighting allowed is from candles.

When candle making becomes too expensive because of the currency being degraded, we'll have all the candle makers thrown in jail for price-fixing, as an example to other

merchants, especially the tea growers party, who have been trying to expose our scam. Our friend Rumpy, the new minister of information, is in charge of

organizing the populace against anyone who challenges our economic
policies, as many as we can bribe or blackmail to get them to show up and rage for fifteen minutes or so.

If that fails, then we'll just have to set fire to the royal palace,-sorry, king!- and blame it on Transcaucasia, fake evidence to show the tea growers to be in collusion, then have them

hanged in a public square. Once they're taken care of, we'll turn on our supporters, in case there are any more subversive elements-oops, a pun!- we can't buy off with tungsten.

© 2012 Bruce V. Bracken

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